Chasing Baby

End of an Era

This weekend was both emotional and a time to move forward.  Yesterday was the local Walk of Remembrance.  I had sent in our form saying we would attend over a month ago, but I was having second thoughts over the last week. 

I have taken as many moments over the last 6 months to think solely about my little angels.  Granted, I have been busy with Tressel, the pregnancy, and now Scarlet.  Instead of having the regular cries every month or two, I had the moments in the car when I choked up or saw something that reminded me of what I endured.  There are songs that immediately take me back to one of those days and the horrible agony I felt.

Yesterday was different.  I did cry, but instead of focusing on the losses, I thought about my angels.  Safe and playing with other children in Heaven.  Happy.  Laughing.  Definitely not hurting.  That is a great comfort.  I also like to think they are the special guardian angels for my two angels here on Earth. 

I think it was the change in feeling of yesterday that led me to finally gather up the needles and Heparin.  I took pictures and secured them all in appropriate containers. 

Five years ago during the summer of 2003, we started trying to get pregnant.  The road was not easy.  At times, I questioned my own existence.  But somehow I kept going with the dim hope that I would one day be a mom.  When that was realized with Tressel, I wondered whether I should end the journey and be satisfied with my amazing little boy.  Something in me said there was another baby for me to carry and raise.  Now I have Scarlet and am grateful beyond words at being lucky enough to have another healthy child.

I am so grateful to my doctors and nurses.  I am grateful to the medical professionals who did the research to connect the benefits of injectable blood thinners for clotting disorders.  You helped to give me two healthy, beautiful children.

And as I said goodbye tonight to the needles and blood thinner, I closed that door and now can focus on my here and now.  Which is raising my children.

How quickly the time flies!

While I try to ignore the downward plummet of the stock market and our investment portfolio, I am shocked at how quickly the weeks have passed since Scarlet's birth. 

She is smiley and happy most of the time.  She is only fussy when she needs something or has gas.  I have to keep reminding myself that sometimes it is that simple. 

Monday was her two month appointment, and she is growing!  She measured 23.5 inches and 12 pounds 15 ounces.  Tressel was 21.25 inches and 13 pounds at two months.  Gotta love the breast milk.  I really am grateful that nursing comes so easily for us.  I am dealing with another round of latching issues and soreness, but we'll get through it with a little wincing.

This week has brought some new things for Scarlet.  She rolled for the first time on Sunday from back to front.  I haven't been very diligent about tummy time, but she seems determined to learn how to move.  Tressel is too intriguing and entertaining for her, and she is ready to join him already. 

Last night during bath time she laughed for the first time.  I thought I was going to cry.  She is growing so quickly and is so social.  I felt like for a moment I had a peek at the future: being on the phone with my daughter talking for hours about anything and everything.

I am so in love with my baby girl that sometimes I feel like I might burst!