When I started this blog, I didn't know if I would ever have a baby in my arms. Multiple miscarriages have that effect. The blogosphere provided me with much needed comfort after my second miscarriage.
When T was born, I was so focused on the now of actually having a baby in my arms. All of the daydreaming I did while pregnant was temporarily forgotten. In its place were diapers, many sleepless nights, and trying to navigate being a new mom.
Now T is almost 5 1/2 years old and has a younger sister (S). Tomorrow is T's first day of kindergarten, and I have had a few emotional moments this week. Yesterday we met with his teacher, and he was able to explore the kindergarten room. He was so excited and can't wait to spend more time playing and making friends.
I am so happy that he is excited. At the same time, I am facing the transition from being almost the sole influence in his life to having another adult present for many of his new experiences. This is the blessing and curse of being a stay-at-home mom. When he started preschool 2 years ago, he only went 2 mornings each week for a total of 5 hours. He was still with me for most of the time. When I was talking to my husband about this, he asked if I wanted to homeschool our son. I said no. I understand the importance of having other relationships (both teachers and classmates).
After I get through the tears of tomorrow, I have Tuesday to look forward to when S starts her first day of preschool. She has attended a 1 day a week program for the last year because she wanted to go to school like her brother. After the first two weeks, I saw the benefit of having 2 hours every week to run errands by myself. I was amazed at how productive I could be. Maybe I am not feeling as emotional about preschool because she will only be away from me for 5 hours a week? I guess I have 2 years until another flood of emotion about being apart from my little girl. My baby.
On that note, it sounds like quiet time has come to a close for today, so I should go enjoy my time with my kiddos and hold my first baby in my arms for a little more before he starts school tomorrow.
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