Chasing Baby

Should have known

About an hour after I posted the latest entry on here yesterday, it officially became my time of the month.  I was still feeling pretty bummed, but it made more sense.  Now I am just a little bummed today and popping Motrin for cramps.  I've been waiting for the Motrin to work so I can take the kids to the grocery.  600mg should do something after an hour and a half, right?

Off the Radar

I am definitely having one of those days.  Mike has been travelling a lot.  Much of his at home time has been taken up with the deck project.  I know I have been complaining some, but I haven't voiced that much of what has been actually crossing my mind.  I have been feeling like a single mom for about half the week for the last 2 months.  I really give credit to those women who are single moms!

The way I manage to keep going is the support of my girlfriends, but that hasn't at the level I needed recently. 

Here is the moment for my pity party: I'm feeling incredibly lonely and believe I have fallen off the radar of my closest girlfriends.  I had one tell me last year that I come across as so self-assured and together that it appears I don't need help.  That in the midst of feeling like I am drowning.

All of this is making me think what do I really need right now.  I need to know someone is keeping an eye on me.  Calling occassionally to check on me and make sure I am okay.  Rather than I calling to always check on everyone else.  And feeling like they must assume I'm fine since I am calling to check on them.

The tipping point for today's pity party is my parents are coming to visit for the weekend tomorrow, and I desparately need to clean the house.  Cleaning has become a near impossibility with a 3 year-old and 10 month-old.  Just getting things straightened up long enough to dust, vacuum, and scrub is exhausting.  So, I had asked Mike before his latest business trip if he could take this afternoon off so I could completely concentrate on cleaning.

He checked his schedule and assured me he could.  When I asked again last night, he said he would come home right after his 11:30 conference call.  I thought that would be great because I could get started right after lunch.  I was almost excited about cleaning. 

Now it is 1:30, and I haven't even received a phone call.  Apparently I have fallen off my husband's radar too.  This added to the way my birthday/Mother's Day was is really making me feel pretty lousy.

The one thing about having kids is you feel like your pity parties have to be very short.  You don't want those precious little people to worry about you.  You also don't have the luxury of spending too much time on self pity.  Someone is eating something she shouldn't or putting something into something he shouldn't.

Phone just rang.  He is on his way home.  Guess I get to start cleaning.  Yay.  (Lots of sarcasm)

Mommy Moments

I have recently reached a point of near exhaustion.  Mike has been traveling a lot, and I haven't had the benefit of help.  We recently took a trip to visit friends in South Carolina and to tour in Atlanta while Mike was at a conference.  All of this has added up, and I'm not handling it as well as I would like.

I have no patience left by 5 pm.  I'm not proud to say I have snapped at the kids.

Today I fell asleep on the couch while Mike and the kids were playing.  It was a nap I wanted to take every day this week, but I couldn't manage to get both kids to nap at the same time.  I appreciated the rest, but I don't think it was enough.

Two hours later I cleaned a potato and put it in the microwave to go with dinner.  I have microwaved potatoes countless times.  This was the first time I caught one on fire.  I was sitting at the table next to the microwave, and I turned to see smoke coming out of it.  There weren't actually flames, but Mike said the smoke kept coming out of it when he dumped it outside.

Not one of my proudest moments.  Good news: I didn't actually catch my house on fire.  Bad news: my house stinks like burnt potato.

32 weeks! And a rough week...

As of Sunday, we are 32 weeks along!  Things are going well.  Last Friday's appointment was a non-stress test and regular appointment.  Baby Duck performed as needed for the non-stress test.  My BP was 115/70, so my OB is telling me to keep doing what I have been doing.

I am having weekly appointments now with the next one on Friday.  I get to have everything on Friday with an ultrasound, non-stress test, and regular appointment.  Mike will be there, for which I am thankful. 

Speaking of that, a number of my girlfriends with more than one child had warned me that their husbands didn't participate as much during subsequent pregnancies (translation: they didn't attend the prenatal appointments).  I think I have conveyed to Mike that if I am handling Tressel by myself for the appointment that I am more likely have higher BP, which could lead to bedrest.

This definitely hasn't been a stress-free week when it comes to parenting Tressel.  We can have a great morning, but as soon as he is up from his nap after lunch he is a handful.  Yesterday morning I was teary-eyed watching Tressel and thinking about how amazing, kind, and bright he is.  He shares with the other kids during playgroups.  He can speak in complete sentences.  He has a great smile.

Then there is the flip-side of that.  When he hits me and laughs.  Make that cackles.  When he throws stuff out of the cart at the grocery store.  When he throws the most obnoxious tantrums. 

I am eight months pregnant, and my patience has significantly decreased as the pregnancy has progressed.  To make life more fun, Tressel's defiance has increased now that he is two.

I really love that little boy, but there are those moments when I wish the fantasy of the Calgon commercial was possible!

Sicky & No Patience

I showed signs of intelligence yesterday and called both Tressel's ped and my family doctor to schedule appointments.  My cough was worse, and I could feel the tightening in my chest with increasing frequency.  Tressel's cough wasn't sounding dry anymore.

Tressel's ped thinks he has the start of allergies and a slight cold.  The only additional thing she recommended doing was adding Benadryl at bedtime.  My doctor agreed that it was good I came in when I did.  She diagnosed me with bronchitis and a sinus infection, so I am back on antibiotics.

I am feeling somewhat better today.  However, Mike flew to Texas today and won't return until Thursday evening. 

While my health showed a little improvement today, my patience plunged.  Tressel tested that more times than I can count.  I was so relieved when he was asleep in his bed!

The question would now be why haven't I gone to bed already?  I have no idea.  My mind is spinning with thoughts about the pregnancy, when I was pregnant with Tressel, what the weather might be tomorrow, that I need to shave my legs since I want to wear shorts, and so on...

I did spend a little time reading blog entries for the month leading up to when Tressel was born.  I am thankful that I am able to take some things a little more in stride.  Or maybe I just don't have the time and energy to worry as much this time.  Having a toddler can do that.

I should go get some sleep...

Allergies-loving springtime

I have dealt with allergies my entire life.  I lucked out when pregnant with Tressel that a good chunk of pregnancy was during the colder weather when the outdoor irritants were dormant.  Tressel's early arrival also provided me with some respite from the arrival of everything that comes along with Spring.

This time I'm not quite as fortunate.  Spring has definitely arrived in northwest Ohio, and my sinuses and lungs feel it.  I've had to use my inhaler a handful of times this week, and I swear my face has doubled in size from the sinus pressure and swelling. 

I think I am on the verge of developing another sinus infection because it is so bad.  It is hard because Sudafed is allowed, but it dries me out.  I can't seem to drink enough water to keep up with it.

I feel lucky if my biggest complaints with this pregnancy are allergies and the bruising from the shots.  I miss my good allergy drugs.

It Can't Get Any Better than This

Last Thursday we had another ultrasound and monthly OB appointment.  It went very smoothly, and the Duck is still measuring on track for the August 3 due date.  The Duck's heartbeat was 146 and strong.  The u/s tech was joking with us that maybe we are having a girl because the Duck was holding his/her hand up to his/her ear.  The only thing missing was a cell phone.  We're still not going to find out, but it will make for a great story.

Over the weekend, I started getting a cough, and Tressel's nose started running.  Sunday involved lots of tissues for Tressel and the inhaler for me because my chest was tightening from my asthma.  Monday morning I thought we were both doing a lot better.

That thought went our the window mid-afternoon when Tressel also started coughing, and I needed the inhaler for another time.  Tressel gave us a wake-up scream at 3:30 Tuesday morning and refuse to go back to sleep.  He was coughing.  I was coughing.  My head was aching.  I decided it would be best to go to the doctor's in the morning. 

Mike was a saint and took Tressel downstairs at about 5 to let me try to sleep a little more.  I came down at 7:30 to find Mike half-asleep on the couch while Tressel watched Sesame Street and ran in circles.  My head was spinning.  I knew I didn't have the energy to walk in circles at that point, let alone run.

Mike decided it was best if he stayed home and took us both to the doctors' offices.  I'm glad because I don't think I could have dragged myself and Tressel in and out of two offices and the pharmacy. 

Tressel has a double ear infection.  I have acute bronchitis, and the doctor gave me some relief with a breathing treatment in the office.  Then we went to the pharmacy at Kroger.  Mike left the two of us in the car while he filled our prescriptions for antibiotics.

When we arrived home, Mike continued to take care of us and made lunch and put Tressel to bed for his nap.  I managed to rest for 15 minutes.  Mike went into work at 2:30, and Tressel must have known because he awoke as Mike backed out of the garage.  He didn't come home until after 7.

It was a very long 4 1/2 hours!  I spent the first hour reading to Tressel until I thought my throat might explode.  Then I turned on the PBS show he likes, which we keep on the DVR.  Each episode is only 30 minutes.  So, I kept selecting another episode as the previous one was ending.

Mike brought us sandwiches from Arby's, bathed Tressel, and then put him to bed. 

We were all in the bathroom for Tressel's bath, and something set me off.  I started crying and couldn't stop.  I'm not sure if it was being sick, caring for a sick child, being tired, wanting a mini-vacation, or knowing Mike would be gone for the next couple of days.

Mike left this morning for Florida and will return late tomorrow night.  Since we aren't socializing with anyone in the near future, I loaded Tressel into the car for a trip to Target after breakfast.  We needed soap, more tissues, and some Easter goodies for a local charity.  Tressel was thrilled and tried chatting up everyone.  I forgot to use the inhaler this morning, so I was having discomfort in my chest.  As soon as we were home, I used the inhaler and received much needed relief.

Tressel is now napping, and I should probably go rest for a few minutes.

Officially ready to start the next chapter

In August I visited the new RE.  At the end of the appointment, he told me to go for the blood tests and call on the first day of my cycle after weaning Tressel.  The blood tests were all fine, so my next task was weaning Tressel.

I should have known weaning would be rough.  Nursing had gone smoothly from the first moment when Mike held Tressel by my side in the recovery room.  Tressel took to the boob like a three-month-old.  I had a few uncomfortable moments from swollen breasts or leaking in public.  Overall, nursing was a very positive experience.

I really didn't think I would still be nursing Tressel past the first year.  I thought I would be lucky to make it to his first birthday.  It gets a lot harder to stop when your child is able to communicate that is what he wants through words and sign language.

It isn't made any easier when that same child wakes in the middle of the night wanting to nurse and then screams for hours when you say no.  After many emotionally painful nights, we started having nights without nursing.

The lack of sleep led the latest round of sickness, which gave Tressel a cold that turned into wheezing and an ear infection.  He's doing much better now and is almost finished with his antibiotics.  I also caught the cold and quickly went on antibiotics for a sinus infection and ear infection.  I have also had to use my inhaler a handful of times.

That brings me to my latest gripe.  I think it is important to do things to help the environment.  I recycle and try to be thoughtful about products we consume.  Why do we have to change inhalers?  I have one of the new inhalers that is supposed to be eco-friendly.  It doesn't work as well.  So, one of the segments of the population (those with asthma) most affected by the air quality isn't allowed to get their medicine in the format that works the best.

Doesn't make sense to me.

Back to weaning.  For the last two weeks, I have been waiting for my period to start.  It came this morning, so I called the RE.  He wants to do a scan to make sure everything looks as it should.  I will probably go in on Monday since the office isn't open for most things on the weekends.

Assuming everything is okay, then we can try.  I am terrified about all of this.  This is very overwhelming.

On a happy note, Tressel is now 18-months-old.  He is talking up a storm, repeating things Mike and I say.  We went to the zoo for a Halloween event on Thursday, and Tressel was Yoda.  Mike loves Star Wars, and he really wanted Tressel to be Yoda.  If you ask Tressel who he is, he says, "Yodie!"  He now says, "lovey" when I tell him, "I love you."  He loves to look at his books, run from room to room, and has developed a love of all Sesame Street characters.  He likes to build towers out of everything, follows directions very well, and loves attention.  When we pull out the camera, he now says, "EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

While I look forward to the day when Tressel finally sleeps all the way through the night, his sweet smile and voice melt my heart hundreds of times every day and offset the constant sleep state.  And gives me more than a little nudge to head down the road to try again.

Long week with lots of snot

This has been a long week.  We haven't gone too many places because Tressel caught the cold that has been circulating around our playgroup.  His nose started running on Saturday afternoon.  Each time I think it has stopped, it starts again.  I end up running for another tissue.  I'm pretty sure my 16-month-old has gone through an entire box of tissues by himself.

I have done a pretty good job of keeping it at bay, but Mike stayed home yesterday because it hit him.  I am just tired.  There was a time when I fantasized about an encounter with a sexy man.  Now, I fantasize about sleep and being well-rested.

And just to make this even more fun, Tressel is working on more teeth.  Two of his four canines have broken through in the last day.  One day when I am not so bleary-eyed, I will look back at this and laugh.  Yeah, right.

Going solo

I didn't win Mega Millions.  I know, you are probably thinking the odds were against me.  I was going to do something good with the money.  I had already decided that I was going to pay Tressel to sleep a solid 8 hours.  My throat is hurting again, and I am blaming the last week and a half of disrupted sleep.  Even more disrupted than usual.

Tressel is teething again.  He has 4 teeth-2 on top and 2 on bottom.  Now he is working on his 2 eye teeth (the 2 on either side of the 2 front teeth he has).  He is soaking everything around with his flood of drool.  And he is searching out the perfect thing to chew on to relieve the discomfort.

To make things even more fun, Mike is on a business trip until Friday.  So, I am not getting a break.  Last night he was up and down until almost 1 am.  And he wouldn't take his first nap today.  So, it looks like it is going to be a long day.

If I had won and offered Tressel $1 million, do you think he would have gone to bed early tonight?  Didn't think so.